Step 1 to Being a Beginner Sociopath

What holds people back in the path to being a sociopath in the Gervais Principle sense, is their desire to be a “good person”.  This usually means that other people like them. And if you want people to like you, you won’t be able to focus on real gains.
(Unless of course, you’re playing at that higher level where people liking you is a tool to get what you really want. )
But in most cases, people are held back by their desire to be liked. They may lose the negotiation but they take comfort in the fact that people like them. And it’s true. It’s easy for everyone to like the loser. They can look down on them and feel pity–and even better feel a sense of superiority.
So what’s not to like?
If you’re like me though, the sight of a loser just reminds you of how low a human can go and you recognize the same ineffective, destructive characteristics in yourself so that the loser is a constant reminder of what might happen to you if I don’t make the hard choices.
I was thinking about this last night because one of my clients was on a date with a girl.  He’s known her from about 4 years ago but because she lives in Taiwan and he lives in San Diego, he hasn’t been able to meet her even though they’ve kept in touch over Facebook all this time.
He’s leaving  in only two days and even though he’s been trying to schedule her for the past week, he wasn’t able to until  last night when he invited her out for drinks.  After drinks he brought her back to our place where he’s staying in the extra bedroom and tried to “make a move”.

She was pretty unreceptive and started looking for an uber soon after.  Lols!

We assured him that this is not unusual and that he learned the most important thing…that she wasn’t interested in sex with him.
Many guys would feel bad about that.  Those same guys will be angry when she chooses to be with some “asshole” instead of them after taking a girl on date after date after date for months and being the nice respectful gentlemen .
These guys, are more concerned with feeling good about themselves and be liked than with getting what they want.  And because of that, they often forfeit what they want.  Many times, in the dating and pickup space, people tell you to not care what other people think.
That’s a pretty high hurdle in my opinion, so I think that step one is making this shift from wanting to be liked to focusing on getting what you want.  it’s not as hard as it may seem.  Because in the moment of decision, you can think, “what do I want, and what can I do to get it.”
Women might read it and cry, “rape!” but the fact is that guys have, across agricultural societies and into modern times, been the ones who chase.
And that means showing intent.
That’s quite a bit different from force.  Showing intent is going to try to kiss a girl and pausing a few centimeters from her face so she has the option to turn her head away or lean away before it actually happens and that’s very different from grabbing a girl’s head and forcing her lips onto yours.
Totally different.
Because if you don’t show intent, other people won’t even know what you want and that robs them of the ability to give it to you.  There is that scene in the movie Fight Club that illustrates this perfectly:
https://youtu.be/KbGw-fnlf1Q
There are a lot of ways to ask and some of them are better than others, but a lot of guys when they are on a date are like the Ed Norton in that scene.  Hoping the girl is going to get the hint and throw themselves at him.
It happens so rarely, it’s not even worth discussing.  And it’s best to assume it never happens because that will drive you toward right action–action that will get you the results you want–on a consistent basis.
The goal of learning pickup and dating skills is the same as memorizing the percentages of each hand in poker.  If you know the precentages then you can make the right decisions based on the probability of each hand winning.
If you want to be liked, you’ll miss out on some of your best plays.

Obscure Status, Deliver Value

This is going to be a fairly quick post as compared to the other two posts I’m working on that are multi week projects to get just right.

Many girls get pretty upset that guys learn PickUp and dating skills in general.  Over the years it’s often been compared to makeup for men.  I always thought that was a good way to look at it, but until recently, I didn’t have such a great way to articulate it that made it  clear why women are so negative about it and also why it’s so effective.

Dating is a combination of a status game and a value game.  It’s a value game in that everything in life is a value game.  Something that has no value is useless to us.

Now, it’s true that in western culture, humanism has made it so that we view each person has being someone worthy of some level of human dignity.  This is how democracy works.  Each person gets an equal say because each person is accorded some basic level of respect in society.

No matter who you are, walking around beating up, kicking or spitting on random people, is rude and unacceptable behavior.  Even doing this to a criminal or a murderer would be considered out of place and it’s why even the death penalty is administered with a minimum desire to inflict pain on the person.

Now, clearly women are looking for the maximum value they can get, but figuring out how much value a given guy has is a difficult problem given that a lot of the value that men can provide is not inherent in who they are.  In evolutionary terms, in addition to good genes, which are relatively easy to determine, there are a lot more attributes that are important given the inherent vulnerability of pregnant women and women with children.

Because this is such a difficult problem women can’t assess a man’s absolute value.  Instead, they assess his relative value, and relative value is what status is.

Assessing someone’s status is also a somewhat difficult problem, but it’s far easier than assessing absolute value.  It’s a kind of shorthand in the same way that if I do an internet search for the 10 most beautiful women of the year, I can get a rough estimate of status, but I’d have no idea if any of those women would make a good long  term (or short term) partner–you never know who has a stank vag and who doesn’t! Lols.

As you can see, that isn’t to say that status is a great measure to use to assess value, but it’s a far easier problem to solve and works well enough that it’s the default method girls use at least for the initial screening problem.  It’s something like how Harvard cuts out anyone with a GPA below a certain level.

One of the reasons that PickUp is so effective for guys when they first get into it is that the first things that you learn are designed to obscure your value so that guys aren’t immediately eliminated.

Improving body language is a key aspect to obscuring status as all throughout the animal kingdom because it provides clues to a person’s disposition.  Speaking more loudly, standing up straight, having open body language, dressing in an eye-catching fashion that draws attention, and engaging people in conversation are all behaviors that imply a level of status that women should pay attention to.

Makeup and fashion work in the same way for women where by using a push up bra, reddening the lips and using eyeliner, they obscure their actual physical features making their value more uncertain and giving them a higher level of exposure to men than they would otherwise get.

As such, it’s no surprise that women really are unhappy with guys learning pickup and dating skills.  It essentially makes their attempts to determine status harder than it would otherwise be.

There are some really interesting side effect of this.  I love the perplexed look on a client’s face when he as a 25yo virgin who’s never chatted up a girl at a club before, gets accused of being a playboy!

The interesting thing is that by obscuring their status, they get the opportunity to present their unique value to women who may never have had gotten the chance to find a guy who is closer to what she’s looking for than she typically comes across in that environment.

So, in the end, it’s win-win for everyone, lols.