Anti-Slut Defense

Anti-Slut Defense is any action a girl takes to shut down sexual escalation, often suddenly and counter to her previous behavior. Typically they do this by breaking a sexual mood through sudden, often irrational, inexplicable verbal or non-verbal non-compliance.

It tends to strike just when you think everything is lined up and the full-close is inevitable.

Why does it exist?

It boils down to the Madonna/Whore dichotomy.

Madonna(not the singer)–Jesus’s mother–a woman so perfect and pure that not only did she give birth to the son of god, but she did it without having to resort to dirty, dirty sex

Whore–A woman who will do any sexual act with anyone for the right price, as often as often as she can.

Every culture has there own scale that runs from Madonna to Whore and you can place any behavior somewhere on that scale. Each culture draws a line somewhere along that scale and anything on the right half of the scale is Whore behavior and anything on the left is Madonna behavior.

In particularly conservative cultures a woman showing her face, for example, or being in the presence of a non-family male without a chaperon is whore behavior. In more liberal cultures a woman can wear a mini-skirt with no panties, get sloshed, make out with every guy in the bar and then if some guy tries to take her home she can still say with a totally straight face, “I’m not that kind of girl.” << Anti-Slut Defense!

Anti-Slut Defense happens whenever you start to get close to the border(or cross the border) between the Madonna and the Whore and a girl wants to preserve her Madonna status. For some behaviors in some cultures, once a whore always a whore, while in others it’s a matter of balancing the amount of Madonna behaviors with the amount of Whore behaviors to maintain the right image.

This is why the longer you’re with a woman the kinkier sex becomes. She might have wanted you to hang her from the ceiling and drip candle wax on top of her while watching lesbian porn the first time you had sex with her, but she doesn’t want to ask.

She knows that if she saves that for later, you’ll see her as a “really nice girl who’s a tiger in the sack” rather than as a “total freak who can’t get enough”. In fact, she knows that bringing out her Whore too soon could even disqualify her from long term relationships with the guys that she most wants to do the most depraved things her imagination can conjure.

Anti-Slut Defense can range anywhere from, “I don’t usually do this,” right before a woman gives you a blow job on Ferris wheel on the first date, to a girl refusing to give you her phone number because, “I don’t give my number to people I just met,” to a sudden “Don’t touch me!” when you’ve gotten lots of kino compliance, as a she rushes out of your house because she suddenly remembered she has to paint her toenails for her big presentation next month on the evolution of frog spinal cords.

In milder cases the simple re-assurance, of an “I know, baby,” will do it. In other cases more qualification(especially) or more comfort will do the trick.

Setting up lots of plausible deniability, handling logistics very smoothly, “2-steps forward, 1 back” and pull-push can make the interaction slide so smoothly that her Anti-Slut Defense doesn’t have a chance to engage.

You should save hardcore sexcalation for a sexcalation location whenever possible and stay away from cheap thrills like make-outs in the park or the club where you play your hand too soon.

Monster Killers

I’ve gotten so much out of watching Jordan Peterson’s lectures.  It’s really impressive how deep what he says goes, and how many meanings are contained in the ideas he puts across.  One of them is the idea of the dragon slayer or the monster killer.

First off, a monster is a representation of things in the world that can hurt us.  That’s why monsters are often composites of many different animals as in the case of the dragon, chimera, or the Minotaur.

The monster killer is he (or she) who confronts the things that can hurt us and prevails. The reason this is important to humans and is the central “hero story” is  because life is full of encounters with things that can hurt us, and the job of life is to defeat those things for as long as we possibly can.

“Death hast to win only once, but life has to win everyday.”
-Roy F. Baumeister, Is There Anything Good About Men?

Those things can be external, like floods, storms, predatory animals, the hunt for food and water, other humans or they can be internal, like sickness, or mental and psychological stress.

The dragon slayer is he who can surmount those things.  Or at least he who confronts those things, and traditionally, women wanted a monster killer because they are more vulnerable both because they become pregnant, but also because they are the primary caretakers of children.

Only those women who were wired to seek out monster killers had offspring and here we are.

The problem with a monster killer is that he’s still a killer, and that makes him not tame which means he might kill you too!  Jordan B. suggests that the primary “hero story” for women is Beauty and the Beast.  He thinks that the taming of the beast to serve as her protector is the primary motif in women’s stories.

Now, this is not too surprising for most men who have learned “game” or who have studied evolutionary psychology.  It’s been well established that women like “bad boys” and they don’t like “nice guys”.  And this is the background for why.

But I want to note, that it’s not that women like “bad boys”, it’s that women want to tame the “bad boy” more than they want to toughen up the “nice guy”.  Arguably, they don’t have time to toughen up the “nice guy”.  By the time she’s got him ready, she’s dead.

I was thinking about this last night and it made me wonder what the difference is between dangerous and not tame.  And I figured out that, dangerous means able to slay dragons, while tame means will not do harm to her in particular.

And this is where signaling comes in, because the dating world is all about signaling, since you can’t KNOW about the fitness of a particular potential mate, you use signals to make a decision about them.  There is so much literature on this that I won’t go into it now.

If you’re really not familiar with this concept, you can read the details about it here:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Signalling_theory

So, here we have a problem…how can men signal they are dangerous while also signaling that they are tame or tamable?

Signaling that you are dangerous is what a lot of pickup is about.  Actually, if done properly it’s about developing yourself into someone who is dangerous.  If done improperly, it’s about signaling without actually being dangerous (think, The Wizard of Oz).

Now, let me be clear and reiterate that dangerous means, able to face problems and theoretically if you are able to face them, it is because you are reasonably confident that you can prevail against them so that facing them and being able to overcome them are almost synonymous.

Hence why, all of the Greeks who die in the Iliad are heroes.  I think, but I’m not sure, that the reason why Achilles is the supreme hero for the Greeks, though, is that he is the strongest, and most powerful warrior, but when given the opportunity to show mercy, he does.

Because having the power to do and have whatever you want and choosing not to use it is a part of being a well socialized individual.

We’re still caught with signaling the right balance of dangerousness and tameness.  I haven’t really worked this out, yet, but if a woman is attracted to you at all, it is some indication that she sees you as being some level of dangerous.

Certainly, one signal of being tame is asking her to be your girlfriend, expending cash and buying gifts and calling her everyday are example signals of being tame, but of course if she thinks that that’s just the way you are and it’s not a reaction to her behavior then it signals that you are not even dangerous enough to be considered.

This balance is not an easy one and it changes as your life changes too.